This is my first Christmas without my mother.
There is a dull ache in my heart, a longing to push her hair back from her face, to kiss her cheek, to simply hold her hand.
She was quiet the gal! This time of year seemed to be her favorite although when spring arrives I will tell you the same!
The hush of winter has crept in seemingly overnight. It's cold and the wind is singing its own song as it rushes through the trees.
Today the sun is shining and its rays are dancing along the snowy ice covered sidewalk. The bushes ladened with light snow seem to bristle upon first glance.
My living room is so cozy and warm. Inviting. Mom enjoyed this room especially on a day like today. A cup of hot coffee in hand and a sweet treat to savor - curled up in the corner of the sofa - enjoying the quiet surroundings.
Across the room the piano would beckon her to awaken its sound. In sheer abandonment she would run her fingers gracefully across its keys, playing the songs she remembered from days gone by. And though a song might be repeated, each time it was played and often sung, it was as though we were hearing it for the first time that day!
Remember when I said ~ when spring comes I will tell you it's her favorite time of the year? That's because she prepared her yard in the spring for decorating her home in the fall and winter. The twigs, berries, pinecones, greenery, and branches with added touches of ribbon and white lights filled her house from the front door to the back.
A ceramic church, a silver tray laden with pinecones and berries, a teapot, cup and saucer, a Christmas plate all adorn the living room. Once she said, "Oh you have such nice things." Then as now, I whispered aloud, "I do mom, all these things belonged to you."
Looking through the doorway from our living room I see our dining room. The table is dressed ~ a Christmas cloth with napkins, each place setting complete, a candle in the center. It looks inviting the moment you walk in our front door. Mother always "dressed" her table, I will too.
It's time for tea. Mother enjoyed tea as much as coffee. She helped me to understand the importance of afternoon tea. It should not be rushed. Steam rising from the rim of my Christmas cup with saucer I am savoring the flavor and remembering shared conversations with her. She was right about so many things.
She always said, "It's not what you have, it's what you do with what you have." She had more bounty than she ever realized. She had a way of taking something ordinary and making it extraordinary. A simple touch.
Slowly sipping my tea, I close my eyes and see my mom bustling about making sure things are just the way they should be. I see her in the kitchen, adorning an apron to protect her clothes and to dust her hands. Always busy in the heart of her home. Her apron hangs on a hook in my kitchen.
Mother's Bible is worn. There are many pages with curled edges, verses underlined and notes in its margins. She sought the Lord in the early hours of the morning, at times during afternoon tea and in the evening before bed. She prayed. For family, for friends, for countless others.
When I was studying Proverbs 31, I saw something new in this chapter. I realized this wise woman took care of her home first and then she took care of others. When I talked with mom about this she told me a story of a woman who made a "pone" of cornbread. Cutting it in half she delivered this portion to someone who was not feeling well. She kept the other half for her husband. Simple truths from the Word of God, lived out in the life of a woman, shared with me by my mother.
Last Christmas, mother was here, sitting on the sofa with me. Christmas Eve, I gave her a present to unwrap - new pajamas. She was the one who started this tradition with me and I've continued to do the same with my own children. She was so excited to open this package! She liked the warmth of the material and the cute snowmen on the top and bottom.
As I tucked her in bed, I removed her stocking from the bed post. She exclaimed, "Hey where are you going with my stocking!" I told her Santa would make too much noise coming down the hall to her room. Belly laughing, and yes I do mean belly laughing, she said, "let me see it!" She then proceeded to put the stocking on her foot! We both laughed for the longest time.
I unpacked her stocking a few days ago and realized there was something in the toe! There tucked away were three packs of "Juicy Fruit" gum. I left them in the stocking.
Mother paid attention to detail. When she wrapped a present it was always done with the greatest of care. I remember as a young child placing my finger inside the first overlap of the ribbon so that she could make the perfect bow.
This time of year she always seemed happiest of all.
This is my first Christmas without my mother ~
I miss her.
(c) FaithBuilder
